Motherhood was unplanned and an unbelievable change to me, when I became mother to a wonderful daughter more than 26 years ago.

I had returned from my beloved life in London just a year before – not quite willingly, I must say. I had the best time of my life in London, thanks to the people and architecture that appealed to me so much, but mainly due to the ‘vibe’ of this astonishing city.

Back in Switzerland, I returned to school one more time and became pregnant right before my graduation. My plan was to travel to New York and later perhaps to Japan. Settling in Switzerland was definitely not part of the plan.

9 months later I was holding this incredible little miracle in my arms and all my plans and dreams became irrelevant. My daughter has changed each and every aspect of my life. There was suddenly no more time for me and her wellbeing became my top priority. There were days were I didn’t get dress and nights she would wear me out!

From that point in time, all my dreams and goals included at least the two of us; I was fully responsible both for me and her. My decisions focused on our wellbeing. I was so lucky to have my mother and family whom I could rely on.

Besides, I was luckily naïve enough not to let myself feel intimidated by this huge responsibility. This has saved me a lot of worry in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I was never irresponsible; only positive and confident in the good things life held in store for me. (What some people would call naïve, I would simply call one of my best qualities).

Nothing is what it used to be, anymore

In the first month after the birth of my sweet daughter, taking off my pyjamas once a day and washing my hair was quite a challenge for me. Not because I was a total mess, but because my sweet little baby had the 3-month baby colic (which was quite an understatement, considering that it went on for at least 5 months) and only massage, warm tummy wraps and permanent carrying and swinging would make her feel better.

When our work day plan becomes an illusion, we should follow our gut feeling

I soon learned that if I wanted anything solved I had to get not only extremely flexible but also highly efficient. Planning was great, but each day was different and I could not rely solely on my organizational skills. I realized then that I had to rely more on my gut feeling and less on a well-organized plan.

You will certainly ask me what the gut feeling has to do with the organization of a successful workday. You are most entitled to ask this, especially since we are taught early in life that good organization and efficient work methods are the main pillars of a successful workday. And do not get me wrong, please – they are very much so. (However not for all of us – but this is another story…).

As a very young mother I came to understand that each day of our life comes in different, fine shades that make all the difference. If I wanted to successfully manage my workday and carefully deal with my daughter and her needs, I had to be more than just efficient and well organized. The more often my intuitive decisions proved to be perfectly right, the more they were included in my everyday life.

All priorities change in an instance

In order to be able to combine work, family and my personal needs, I had to tackle new ways and to organize my everyday life in a flexible and differentiated manner. As a young mother I would often put my wishes and needs on hold, as the day was simply too short to have everything set on track. Suddenly, I wanted more balance in my life, needed more time to spend with my daughter. Career and work were no longer my top priority. Time for playing, long walks in nature and then handicraft work also had to be accommodated within the weekly schedule. The focus shifted from my world, my wishes and my career to that which was best for our small family.

Death of the SUPERWOMEN

Bringing work and family under the same umbrella, requires good organizational skills, efficiency, a large heart and readiness to renounce. There is no point in kidding ourselves. Women can have everything today, from profession, family, own business, career to fulfilled love, independence and much more. Yet, having them all at once is sometimes just not possible. I mean this as an encouragement for every woman, irrespective of her age, to go her own way.

Then, when my family counted just me and my daughter, I would work the whole day and place my little one in daycare. I could afford the luxury to take Friday off, from time to time. Spending 3 days on a row with my little daughter seemed a rather inspired decision.

In order to fully enjoy this time, I would do the cleaning at night and the washing machine would be on, around the clock. I would go shopping during the lunch break and had no time left for me. Sleep was a luxury which I rarely indulged. I thought I was SUPERWOMAN, but this was an illusion, and so was my idea that I would be a good mother only if my daughter got my full attention for at least three days.

We had to reschedule and I had to give up my idea of a perfect mum. I had to leave SUPERWOMEN behind. As of that moment, Fridays were for shopping together, walking together, cooking together and handcrafting together.

A guilty conscience is rarely a good advisor

When I was a teenager my mother worked, but she ran the business from home, we had a housekeeper who took care of us and the rest, and this was an exception at that time.

What is normal today was rather unusual in Switzerland, 26 years ago. Most women stayed at home for several years after the birth of their children. There were few nursery places so I had to wait 1½ years for one. I booked my daughter’s nursery spot before she was even born.

Although I knew my mother would always be there for me, I still had my existential fears. As I was alone with my daughter for the first 4 weeks after birth, I knew that I would have to take care of both of us in the future. It was not only the financial burden, but also the responsibility itself. As already mentioned at 23 I was innocent enough to expect the best of life. Fortunately, I could keep this mindset through all my ups and downs and challenges in life.

As I returned to work after my daughter’s birth, I felt constantly guilty. I have seen this guilt in so many mothers in the last 25 years. Rarely did I hear a man say he feels guilty that he needs to get up and out for work in the morning. On the contrary, men are usually proud to provide for the family. Why do we women find it so hard to let go?

Is it the traditional society that dictates our guilty conscience? Is it the umbilical cord that keeps us tied and does not allow us to reach for the stars? Would it be even possible and right for mothers to reach for the stars?

These are questions that each of us must answer for ourselves. Each answer requires a lot of thinking. Each answer that seems right today may turn out totally wrong in a few months or years. Over the years I have learned that a guilty conscience is rarely a good advisor. We often do things just to compensate for the guilt we are feeling. Not all of us have the same goals and not all of us need to follow the same pattern. And no pattern lasts for a lifetime.

Work-Life Balance is no myth – it exists – we only have to create it

Ever since the birth of my daughter, my personal dreams and goals have been changing over and over again. Many of these initial dreams and goals have changed or vanished in the past 26 years. What used to be my ultimate goal once was replaced by other dreams long ago. I have changed; my growing family has changed me. So, I took one step back and questioned my situation. Am I pleased with my private and professional life? Have my values and life expectations changed? Is there room for my passion?

These reflections are always refreshing and permanently refresh my attitude towards life and everything that surrounds me. This is why I have developed the 1-week Work-Life Balance Challenge for everyone.

I have learned to be flexible in my mind, my work, my family and even with my friends. What is right today is no longer warrant next year. I’ve learned to question my work, my life, my attitude and my values. Early on as a young mother, I started to question myself on how I feel about my work, life and the balance between them. Change was important, and it kept me flexible and adaptable. Life is a journey and its fantastic fun, if we allow ourselves to go with the flow, change our ways. This makes us not only independence even of our own “old” beliefs & goals, but it makes us flexible and teaches us tolerance. Tolerance with ourselves and with others. But bust of all, it means, we life a happy and fulfilled life and adopt this again and again.

Find my FREE Work-Life- Challenge here.