I’ve always had a bit of a difficult relationship with celebrating the new year. I’ve always found it too hard to part with the old one.
I remember vividly (I was a sensible 5 year-old girl with curly blonde locks and a penchant for the dramatic), having such a hard time on New Years Eve. I stood outside on the balcony with my mum and her friends to wave goodbye to the old year and cheer in the new.
And I asked my mum, “What will happen to the old year?”
And she said, “The old year has to die so the new year can come!”
This tipped me off and her party was spoiled. I cried uncontrollably for the “poor old year” that had just died (and had no other chance of living further, maybe in the woods or hidden away somewhere, so at least it had a good place in it’s old age…) I felt so deeply for the old year and could not stop my sadness for hours!
Since then, I can’t say my relationship with celebrating New Years Eve has changed dramatically. I simply love the holiday season, and as such, the New Years celebration for me is part of it. But even when I was a wild, young 20 year-old living in London, I found the celebrations too crowded and chaotic. Instead, I went to the countryside in Norfolk to ring in the coming new year like a right old bore!
I always felt the need to change things – I didn’t want to endure, or to take it in stride to wait until the new year to change things. New Years resolutions weren’t for me. I tackled my challenges and troubles “year round”.
Resolutions: is it better to look back or to look forward?
How do you feel about this? (let me know in the comments below – I really love to hear from you!)
Over the last couple of years, I’ve realized that this is a very personal and unique question for all of us. I worked for years to look at my issues and I always felt that I had to find the root cause for all of them. I dug deep, went backwards to find the reason behind it, looked at it from all angles and all aspects, and only moved forward after I understood deeply what it meant.
However, working with so many different inspiring women (and some great men) over the years, I’ve found that we all have and need a very unique way to approach our issues. Some will want and need to go deep into their past to uncover hidden blocks and family patterns to understand what they really have and want to let go.
Others may love to do this, but would energetically be too absorbed and involved. They would find it harder to let go of what they’ve found if they dig too deep into the past.
Others thrive when creating the “new me” instead of looking back and reducing their energy. (While they could actually really boost their energy by looking into the future.)
There is no one-size-fits-all solution, but it is always good to know where you stand and how you embrace forward momentum in the new year.
Time to be kind to yourself when making your resolutions
Whatever you do this year, be kind to yourself. That may sound superficial and too simple. But I really mean what I say.
Especially at the beginning of the new year, when we have filled the blank pages with our wishes, dreams, and hopes, we get so caught up on change.
But how can we change our biggest issues and fears for the better if we use the same tools and strategies that we’ve used for years?
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein
So be kind to yourself. Instead of New Year’s resolutions (that will be a pain in the a.. to create), start with a different approach this year! Well – actually, why don’t you grab yourself some plain pages of paper and write down 1 resolution right now?
A different way to talk about your New Year’s resolutions:
+Take one page per resolution and clearly define your end goal on top. Then write down the positive effect this changed circumstance would have on you and your life. This feels good, right?
+Now take out another fresh, blank page and write down what in the past has kept you from achieving this goal. As it is a issue you want to change, I’m sure you’ve tried many times to get to the bottom of this issue.
+As you read through those things that keep you from changing it, try to find a common issue behind them. They may not look related, but if you are open and give up old thinking patterns, I’m sure it will strike you. (if not, it might be a good time to contact me!) Jokes aside, most issues that affect our daily life can be broken down into a few single roadblocks or patterns that don’t serve us but for some reason, and we seem to fall back on them again and again.
+Seeing these issues collected on paper, consider what’s keeping you from making the big changes you want in your life. When done right, this exercise makes it much more obvious what your true resolution should be.
Let me give you an example:
Your new year’s resolution might be: leading a more balanced life.
On your first blank page you title it with – exactly – “Leading a more balanced life”
Below this goal, you write how this will make you feel, and what affect this changed circumstance will have. Like:
“I will feel much more satisfied by the end of the day, week, or month. I’ll wake up in the morning and really look forward to how the day will unfold. My family and friends will invite me more often. Time spent in the office will reduce. My exercise regime will be fun. My weekend will be refreshing.”
The issues that hold you back from it and that you will write down on your second blank page are:
“However hard I’ve tried to change, I somehow never get the results I want. I find it hard to turn down a client or friend, even if I know that I don’t have the capacity to say yes to them. When I start to work, I often lose track and find myself lost in it for hours. I often don’t realize how time flies. Every time I approach a new way of working less, I seem to attract some kind of drama and I end up working more. I have to cut back on “me” time every week.”
Now looking at the second page. One of the core issues here is that everything else seems to be more important than you. Losing yourself in work, never having time for yourself, you can’t say no to friends, colleagues, or clients. You can see the core issue here – right?
It’s about setting boundaries and standing up for yourself.
Now, if you go back to the first page, where you placed your new year’s resolution and the feelings and circumstances that this would bring you, (leading a more balanced life) you see what is keeping you from the results you desire – and you can choose to tackle it differently.
I hope this inspires you to be kind to yourself and shed a different light on your 2018 resolutions. Give yourself the chance to investigate the root of the issue and slowly change what you have been carrying around for years.
Wishing you all the best in 2018!
All my love
Carollyne
