When we start out in life, we are embedded in a family, in a home, wherever we grow up. In this place, we are formed and influenced by other people’s opinions. The people who bring us up, with the best of knowledge and intention, are constantly shaping who we are. We get this from the school we attend. From the beliefs and doctrines we absorb there, our teachers, and the philosophy the school has.

As we continue to grow, we also pick up on what our friends think and what society expects of us. All of these elements have a huge impact on us.

After layers and layers of information are added to our experience, of how people thought we should be and all the opinions of others, it’s always coming up again and again and again in our lives. And with this repetition, we might find ourselves vanishing, getting smaller and smaller and smaller. We start to conform to all the layers of other people’s thinking, of how we should be or how best to approach life.

Reason #1 Believing You’re Not Enough and There’s Something Wrong with You

When we experience these different belief systems, it alters our attitude towards who we should be and who we truly are. Our true, authentic self gets covered up and muddled. As children, we aren’t even aware this is happening.

But the product of all this conditioning is that, by the time we grow into a teen or a young adult, we already have covered up our most pure emotions and our most pure layers of ourselves. So it becomes harder to detect who we really are, deep down inside.

We have so many people, from our family members to just society, having so much influence over our lives, telling you how you have to act, what you have to do and who you need to be.

This implies that who you are is not okay, is not acceptable and is not enough. It’s not just that you may have lost who you are at your core. But because you’ve been influenced by so many other people, you start to believe there is something wrong with who you are authentically. And this is when you start to feel like you are not enough and start searching for the fault in yourself. This is the first, very powerful reason why it’s hard to live an authentic life.

Reason #2 Losing Yourself in the School System

Moving on from that, there are very different schools and philosophies about raising children. For example, some are super open, like the Montessori system, which believes in letting a human develop at their own pace, in their own direction, and finding what is the most important talent they have, instead of looking at the faults they have.

Many other schools learned it’s important to give children space they need to grow up in and believe in themselves while also being educated and empowered. This is a wonderful thing.

But some schools have their own doctrine – that no longer belong in society or in modern life. School is one of biggest influences and one of crucial moments in our lives when we start to either invest or not invest in ourselves, to believe or disbelieve in our abilities.

The chances are that if you went to a schooling system that had another doctrine than what’s aligned with who you really are, you may have felt frustration. Because there is a discord between what they expected from you and you being who you are, authentically—and this felt upsetting. This could be where you lost yourself.

Reason #3: Society’s Influence and Challenging the Status Quo

It’s hard to be authentically yourself when you’re surrounded by this influential life. As a parent myself, I would like to see my children grow up and become responsible, independent decision-making adults and citizens. As a teen, we’re not fully grown into our personality. We are vulnerable and can be easily influenced, whether that influence is good or bad. Our hormones are fluctuating and we have a constant changing mood. All of this can be hurtful to the real you.

You haven’t been given the chance to grow into a responsible, decision-making adult if some of the influential people in society don’t really want to see adults become independent thinkers. Or to be independently creative. People in power might not like when we challenge the status quo, because it means the doctrines are being questioned (thankfully!)

This is another influence and another difficulty, depending on where you went to school and where you went to university and what kind of path and what kind of society surrounded you.

Reason #4: Fear

After we have been influenced in school space, we make big decisions about going into a career path, getting a degree, attending a university or a college. If you make these decisions in this crucial moment in life, and you already feel out of touch with who you are, you might also be hit with fear.

You can have a fear of not making enough money, of finding work after college or a fear of not being able to support a family and lifestyle that suits you.

Fears are real – and it’s a real feeling to worry about making enough money, going through university, having debt, and thinking about: What could I possibly do to be able to pay that back? This is one more factor that may have led you away from your authentic self.

Reason #5: Choosing the Right Path For You

To choose the right path, the one that makes you feel great and fulfilled, you have to be really grounded and in touch with yourself to make that conscious decision.

Chances are this part of you was already clouded, layered up with different influences. So you may have chosen a path in life that doesn’t really represent who you are. You might have made a compromise to be who other people thought you should be. Or chosen what you thought would be a smart way to make enough money.

We all want to look for a path and a career that will make us really happy in the end. It’s possible that we made a decision that could have led to choose a path that wasn’t the most authentic, but maybe it was the path we thought would bring us the most success.

Reason #6: Pushing Away Your Feelings

This is another way it can be challenging to be authentic. Once you chose a path that wasn’t right for you, you came into a career or a business where you’re not totally happy. This is when a feeling of guilt for being “ungrateful” can arise.

You tell yourself: “Wow, I should be happy that I’m employed. Who am I to say I want more than this?” So many people would be so grateful for this opportunity. Even though you feel the discord, you feel unhappy and not fulfilled. You push those feelings away because you don’t want to seem ungrateful.

Even though you have these feelings of not having a meaningful life, you reason that other people have to just work to survive. And you feel it’s a luxury to be where you are, so you ignore your soul’s whispering. Instead of listening to your heart and soul, you start to withstand and go ahead on the path. You tell yourself you just need the willpower because that’s what society has taught you.

To live an authentic life and to lie to yourself about your true feelings is a discord. It’s very hard to live an authentic life when you have these feelings. This is the core of living in authenticity.

Reason #7: Accepting Who You Are Right Now

In order to be authentic and to be happy with who we are at a soul level, we have to be accepting and have to embrace all facets of ourselves, even (and especially) the parts you don’t like.

You can only be authentic when you can accept who you are. At this moment, who you really are, right now. You can still try to change—but you have to be happy, have to be tolerant, and have to be accepting of who you truly are in this moment.
Otherwise, you cannot live an authentic life.

Reason #8: Being Honest in Business and Owning Your Potential

In your career and in business, it’s important to show who you truly are as business owner or as a career person. Show your more vulnerable sides, show both your ability and your disability, be open about what you’re great at and what you are not so great at.

If you are comfortable with who you are, you are able to do this. It’s not always easy or the norm. But it’s part of embracing every part of you, even the parts that are more difficult for you to accept.

Maybe because of years and years and years of people telling you who you should be. That leaves a spot on your path and you potentially believe what they say could be true. That who you are is not enough, is not right, and not who you should be.

It’s important to know that, in your career, you can own what you’re good at—and also, state where you need help. To implement that, you have to be comfortable with yourself.

Sometimes, in our career or in business, you have to show defeat, you have to show your faults. And you have to move past your fears… The fear of losing clients, fear of losing a job, fear of not performing enough.

Are you working for people that truly honor who you are? That truly are empowering you? That truly are seeing your greatness?

In order for anyone to see your potential, you must see it first. Unless you can see it, how can they see it? The first step is accepting who you are and living up to the potential you promise.

Reason #9: Honor Ourselves as Much as we Honor Others

When we’re living together with people, it makes us compromise. Whether in a partnership or as a parent, we have to compromise to live together. When we choose to be parents, we choose to give parts of our lives to our children, dedicating that time to them. This doesn’t mean we have to be blowing off whoever we are and ignoring who we are.

We have to honor ourselves as much as we honor others. Especially for women, this can be tricky. I see many women step into the trap… They like to dedicate to others and empower others—and forget who they are. Even though we must compromise in partnership and in being a family woman, we never compromise ourselves.

The beauty of life is that we are all different. We are coming all from different backgrounds, bringing different talents in world. They’re all important and we each have talents and abilities because they’re needed in this world.

This is why it’s so important to be authentic in this world! The world needs YOU, the unique you and your unique talents and gifts. You have to be able to stand out and be your most authentic self. That is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and to the world.

Much love,
Carollyne